My Life In The Wings

I’ve found myself in an interesting position a few times this week.
That is, the topic of homosexuality and the church, has come my way a handful of times.
And I get it.  The church, historically, and in some cases presently, has not and does not treat homosexuals very well.
I get that a significant amount of faith-based people treat homosexuals and bisexuals like dirt.
I get that there is hurt.
And if that is being voiced, I’m behind the people voicing their concerns 100%.
I am all for Bill 18.  I left a church I attended /because/ they weren’t LGBTTQ-friendly.
However, more often than not, in the past year, I have seen the reverse.
I have definitely not seen perfection from the side of faith, but in a lot of instances, I have seen attempts by faith communities to build bridges, and people in the LGBTTQ community denying those attempts.  Not even denying the attempts, but outright throwing them back at the faith community.
I have seen more effort from the faith community to reach an understanding and be accepting, than the other side.
I have seen the LGBTTQ community say “well you’ve oppressed us like this, so we’re going to oppress YOU like this”.
I don’t believe that fighting fire with fire works, ever.  Especially not here, when the issue is that some parts of each side, don’t think that the other side is decent.
Again, I’m not saying that the LGBTTQ community has no reason to be upset. 
They totally do.
But, I’m saying that if one side is reaching out, the other side should meet them somewhere.
I’m saying that the LGBTTQ community has a lot of issues, and anger, towards people who put them all in the same stereotype of “promiscuous” and whatnot. 
Well, I have an issue with the fact that because I’m of faith, I get put into a category of “homophobic” and “naïve”. 
I’m saying… I don’t care if God can’t be proved.  Love can’t be proved.  A whole heck of a lot can’t be tangibly proven.  But we choose to believe.  I choose to believe in God.  I choose to believe in love, and hope, and a better tomorrow. 
I choose to believe, regardless of the overwhelming lack of evidence, that someday, we might all get along.

Hey there,
So, I’m just sending out a job update.
I was contacted tonight by the job I was interviewed for in Zimbabwe -
The e-mail said that it took longer than anticipated for them to reach
a decision due to several strong candidates, and that they will not be
moving forward with my application of that position.
HOWEVER, have you ever heard: “when one door closes, another door
opens”?  Well, two doors opened.  She said that there are two other
Internship positions that they are trying to fill, both in Laos.  She
asked me to review the positions and let her know: “asap if you are
interested in these positions.  If you are interested, I can set-up
interview/s asap.”  I reviewed the positions, and am putting my name
forth for both.  Which means that my future is still uncertain.
While I am bummed that I was not accepted for the Zimbabwe position, I
look forward to seeing where these new interviews might lead me.
Again - I am not going into these blindly.  I anticipate that these,
too, will be competitive positions.  But I am thankful and honored to
be considered a strong enough applicant that they would even offer the
opportunity to be interviewed.
I will keep you updated as I find out more.
Blessings,
Sherrie-Lee

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These are a series of messages between myself and a friend about Bill 18.

She sent me this: http://www.upworthy.com/a-stand-up-comedian-sums-up-the-gay-rights-debate-in-30-seconds


Sherrie-Lee R Chiarot:
Anybody who uses the bible or Christianity as a reason for their homophobia is a moron who doesn’t understand scripture. Scripture is contextual. It was written at a specific time period.
Take tattoos: I got a tattoo, and somebody at booth commented. They used Leviticus 19:28. Well, just a few verses before that, it says that you can’t eat any fruit of vegetables that haven’t been cultivated for something like 3 or 4 years.
The bible also says, 100% more explicitly than “being gay is bad” (because the bible doesn’t say that at all), that people should love one another. So by being homophobic, and NOT loving one another, they’re breaking that.
For as many bible verses there are that MIGHT, OUT OF CONTEXT be taken to say that homosexuality is a sin, there are double that which DIRECTLY state that those people who judge others or are cruel to the oppressed are sinners themselves.
People who call themselves “Christian” and then uses arguments that aren’t even from the bible that they claim to so closely follow, are hypocritical idiots who need to grow the fuck up and get educated

Friend:
Pastor Ray HOLLA!!!!!!!!!

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/sermon-rips-anti-bullying-bill-195817061.html

Me:
What is this guy ON? REALLY? The bible is “hate literature”? It’s “hate literature” because people like him are using it as an excuse for their petty, meaningless being afraid of change.
The bill isn’t REQUIRING there to be an LGBTTQ club in schools, but simply saying that there CAN be.  They aren’t going to make schools have a club, if the student’s don’t WANT that, but they’re saying that schools do have the RIGHT to that club if they want. So, why don’t schools leave it to the community of STUDENTS to decide? If the students don’t want the club, then it’s a non-issue to them. And if they do want it, they have to allow it.  It seems pretty simple to me.

Life is uncertain and strange.
Sometimes I don’t understand a damn thing.
What am I doing here?
Why am I not there?
What will I be doing soon?
Why did I do this then?
I am a skeptic.  I trust rarely.
Sometimes I wonder if I really trust at all.
I ask a lot of questions.  And I’m pained by a lot of questions.
I don’t like questions and often, don’t ask them because its exhausting.
“Why?”, “What if?”, “When?”, “How?”. 
It’s fricken exhausting.

In January of 2011, I went and saw Jamie Tworkowski of To Write Love On Her Arms speak at University of Manitoba.
I was just starting to attend church again.  I was just starting at the Laurel Centre.  It was also around the time that I started to publicly comment on issues surrounding sexual assault.
I was a mix of hurt and excited and wonder and joyous and nervous and confident and scared to death.
And I love Jamie Tworkowski.  He is a large part of the reason that I am who I am.  He’s a large part of the reason that I can smile and laugh. 
It was through him that I first learned about hope, and redemption, and community. 
But Steven McMorran has changed my life.
I laugh a lot at how funny and ironic God is. 
I couldn’t understand a good 50% of the words that Steven was singing that night.
It’s funny that I don’t like questions, but 50% of the lyrics to the songs that Steven sang were a mystery to me.
I hate the unknown. The unknown has hurt me too much before.
But that night, the unknown became a friend who understood me perfectly.
What I did know, is that whatever he was singing was real and true.  I knew that I didn’t need to know all of the lyrics to understand the emotion. 
So I closed my eyes and listened. 
And cried.
I cried throughout his entire set.
I talked to Steven after the concert and on my CD, he wrote “thanks for crying”.
It was the first time somebody ever gave me permission to cry and feel.

I was listening to their new CD tonight, just because I haven’t listened to it all the way through.
And now I’m here.  Writing about music, and about the first time I felt free to feel.
About being hurt and excited and wonder and joyous and nervous and confident and scared to death about everything that life has to offer.


http://originals.last.fm/video/satellite-ring-the-bells/rO7_wMTJ4cML/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ShYywPwAkQ

Hi, Friends,
As you know, I will be graduating in April.  I have been looking for
jobs since January, and applying to many, even if it is a position
where I can simply “get my foot in the door”.  Recently, a job has
found me, and it has caught my eye, as well as my heart.
It is a 10 month, paid Internship with World Vision.  This particular
position would have me spending four months in Canada, and six months
working in Zimbabwe as a Community Engagement and Partnering Assistant
Intern.  The primary tasks in the field for this position include
conducting gender analyses and working together with the program
management team to develop a partnership framework and will help
facilitate the initial planning processes together with these
partners.
This job combines everything that has shaped me greatly since the
start of my post-secondary education five years ago; a journey that is
coming to an end in about a month.  It allows me to work with World
Vision, an organization that I did my first Internship for my degree
with, and an organization that I have come to greatly love.  It will
allow me to go back to Zimbabwe, a country that has had my heart since
before I ever arrived there in 2011.  A country that taught me
everything I know about hope, and faith, and community.  Through this
position, I will be able to work to provide hope for a better tomorrow
for the people of Zimbabwe.  This job also will allow me to put to use
my knowledge of gender issues, a subject that many of you know I am
deeply connected to.
The timing is also perfect.  I will graduate in April, so this is the
ideal time for me to take a once-in-a-lifetime position for 10 months.
I’m e-mailing you in hopes that you would be willing to pray for me;
that if this job is what God wants me to do, He make that happen.
I am not going into this blindly; I know that I might not get this
job.  With that being said, if it isn’t who gets the position, I ask
that you pray for whoever it is that does get the honor of this role.
With hope,
Sherrie-Lee R. Chiarot

In the past, I’ve met a lot of males.
A lot of boys.
Very few of them men.
I’ve always ended up having some sort of relationship with them that goes beyond the boundaries of “friendship”, because that’s the only way I thought a male would stay in my life. 
I didn’t know what it meant to have a friend, or be a friend, with a male.
I was unfair, and lumped males all together.
Shallow.
Horny.
Asshole.
Rapist.

This year, I’ve met a lot of good men.
Some of them have entered my life and stayed, and deeply impacted me.
Some have given me music to cry and scream and laugh and dance to.
Some have come and gone, but left me with a smile when I think about them, or a new perspective.
Some of them back weaved in and out of my life, but every time they come back, I’m reminded of how much I appreciate who they are.

But they’ve all been good guys.
Guys who have given me some reason to smile or laugh or think about something in a new, unique way.
Guys who have been friends.
Guys who have renewed my faith in that there are a few good men out there.

Perhaps this is step one to finding my better half.
Maybe I needed to learn to trust.
I needed to learn to be light.
Happy.
To smile and laugh from places in my being that had been hiding for seven years too many.

So to the guys in my life.
The friends, the classmates. 
The late night chatters and the early morning wanderers.
The ones who have made my world expand, and the ones who have confirmed my feelings.
The ones who have let me be me, and still called me a “friend”.
The ones who have hugged me, and reminded me that I’m okay.
And that men are okay,

Thanks.

Cheers to you.

This is a blog written by a great blogger.  Alyssa is the wife of Jefferson Bethke, who is a poet/YouTuber.  Some of the things that they say, I don’t agree with.  But the stuff in this blog, I can be okay with. :)



“If you’re a girl who likes your guy friend, is it okay to pursue him and let him know you like him?”

The question shone on our computer from stage. The room was dark, with hot lights shining on Jeff and me. My hand grasped my bible a little closer to my chest.

Ah, yes.

Oh how I remember those days (they weren’t that long ago!) of liking a guy so much my body ached. But the hardest part was that they were clueless. Or maybe they weren’t clueless, but simply weren’t interested in me? How many times I was tempted to ask them to coffee and quietly explain how much I liked them. How many hours I spent trying to analyze him and our friendship. How many times I prayed about the situation, gave my heart and desires to the Lord, prayed for that guy, and hoped that he would see me, want me, come after me.

Yes, I remember those times vividly. What do you do when you like a guy and want it to be known…So desperately?

Thankfully Jeff started answering the question first as I gathered my thoughts and let the Lord calm my nerves.

“Let me first say this ladies: if you pursue the guy first, you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life if you do get married. The guy will play the lazy card, and gladly let you take the reigns—forever. And you’ll be miserable. You’ll have to initiate everything else from here on out. But let me add this: You shouldn’t pursue him, no. But you can get in his way. Get in his way so that he sees you and has to run you over. He has to face you and knows you’re there. What does that look like practically? Maybe it means being at his games, going to bible studies that he’s involved in, sitting next to him in class, etc.”

Wise man.

As I thought about what to add, the Lord reminded me of 1 Peter 3:4,

“but let your adornment be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

A gentle and quiet spirit. That doesn’t mean that we have to be quiet little church mice! God loves exuberant, outgoing ladies just as much as the soft spoken ones! What it does mean is that we as women trust the Lord. It means that we so trust in, believe in, hide ourselves in Him that we don’t try to take matters into our own hands and take control. As women that’s really hard because one of the things we struggle with most is taking control. But we are commanded throughout scripture not to, and we don’t need to. We have Jesus as our advocate, the Father as our shield and the One we can hide in. He is trustworthy.

What it comes down to is this,

Do we really believe that He is in control? That He is able?

Do we really believe that if it’s God’s best, He can and will move in that guy’s heart to see us, and go after us?

Proverbs 21:1 tells us that the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord- that the Lord directs it wherever He chooses. If the king’s heart is in our Father’s hands, then most certainly that guy that we are crushing on is in His hands as well.

Ladies, God is able. God is in control.

Praise Jesus, then, that we can rest in Him. We can run to JESUS. We can tell him our deep desires, lay our hearts at His feet, and trust that He will work it out for His glory and our best.

Yes, put yourself in his way! Be available, be present. But check your heart. Do you believe in HIM? The One who knows every nook and cranny of your heart and is intricately and intimately working out His plan for you, dear one?

 ”Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will act.” || Psalm 37:5 ESV